Could We Adopt? Three Real Concerns and Where to Find Help

By Michael Scheele and Christine Temko-Scheele

With November’s National Adoption Month approaching, a recent report from Colorado Christian University caught our attention. An October fundraiser raised $40,000 for Show Hope, the adoption ministry founded by Steven Curtis and Mary Beth Chapman. The ministry helps families overcome financial barriers to adoption and offers support beyond bringing a child home. Read the original report.

That prompted us to consider families who’ve thought about adoption but stopped at questions they couldn’t answer. Can we afford it? What if we become attached and have to say goodbye? Are we prepared to meet a child’s particular needs?

Those concerns deserve honest answers and practical encouragement.

A friend of ours and his wife adopted two children through the state. About a year later, the state contacted them about adopting a newborn sibling. Their family grew by one more, and the children could grow up together.

All three children have special needs. All three have been an incredible blessing.

Can we afford it?

Private adoption can involve substantial expenses, but adoption through public foster care often costs little or nothing. Eligible children may also receive ongoing financial and medical assistance.

Our friend told us that his children receive healthcare coverage until age 18, regardless of his income. Benefits vary, but his experience illustrates why asking about assistance matters.

For families facing adoption expenses, Show Hope offers grants, and ABBA Fund provides interest-free loans to eligible Christian families. Employer benefits and the federal adoption tax credit may also help. Each has requirements, and loans still require repayment.

Before deciding adoption is financially impossible, ask an agency to explain the actual costs, when payments are due, and what assistance may be available.

What if the birth parents want the children back?

This fear is understandable. It’s also important to distinguish between fostering and finalized adoption.

During foster care, reunification with birth parents may remain the goal. Foster parents must support that plan while providing a loving home. The possibility of saying goodbye is real, and families deserve preparation and support through that experience.

A finalized adoption establishes a permanent legal family. Birth parents cannot simply reclaim a child because they change their minds. Before proceeding, ask the agency and an adoption attorney to explain the child’s legal status, any pending appeals, and what remains before finalization.

Understanding the particular pathway you’re considering can replace some uncertainty with informed expectations.

Are we ready for this child’s needs?

Our friend’s perspective was straightforward: parenting his children requires the same qualities parenthood always requires, perhaps in greater measure. Love. Patience. Discipline. No shortcuts.

Those qualities provide a foundation. Some children will also need specialized care, training, or professional support.

Trust-Based Relational Intervention, or TBRI, offers practical approaches for caring for children affected by trauma. Resources are also available to prepare children already in the home for a new sibling.

Ask specific questions. What does this child need? What must we learn? How might this affect our other children? What medical care, counseling, respite, and dependable support can we access?

Honest preparation is part of loving every child in the household.

Take an informed first step

An information meeting isn’t a commitment to adopt. It’s an opportunity to pray, ask questions, and learn.

You may discover that adoption is more possible than you thought. You may recognize that your family needs more preparation. Either way, you’ll be deciding with greater understanding.

As Christians, we have good reason to take these questions seriously. Children need loving, dependable families, and families need people willing to stand alongside them.

If adoption has been on your heart, consider taking that first step. Bring your questions. You don’t need to have every answer before beginning the conversation.

Resources for further information

• AdoptUSKids: Adoption through foster care, costs, legal processes, and family support.
• Show Hope: Adoption grants, medical grants, and preparation resources.
• ABBA Fund: Interest-free adoption loans for eligible Christian families.
• National Council For Adoption: Education for prospective parents and children already in the family.
• TBRI, Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development: Information about supporting children affected by trauma.
• IRS Adoption Credit: Tax credit eligibility and requirements.